The Floyd Enquirer

A Publication by the late Tom Ryan

Tom’s Last Enquirer

The Floyd Enquirer “Floyd’s Literary Enema” A Publication of The Republic of Floyd L.L.C. www.republicoffloyd.com Tizzy In Tinseltown There’s been a perceptible increase in tensions here in Floyd….. the School Board hullabaloo, discord at Angels in the Attic, anger... read more

The Best of The Floyd Enquirer

“Floyd’s Literary Enema” A Publication of Republic of Floyd L.L.C.  I’m always a little embarrassed when a reader compliments my writing skills. Sure, I’ve been known to occasionally tell  an innocent female that I’m a writer…..alright, I possibly said... read more

The Tattler : Final Edition

Mr. T-Bone: “The Change Floyd Needs“     Remember that Twilight Zone episode where the aliens arrive and promise to help us achieve our human destiny? It’s only after they’ve loaded a million of us into their spaceships that it’s determined their... read more

The Tattler – 1st edition

T- Bone & Bo Peep Splitsville The Floyd Grapevine is buzzing with news that local “it” couple, Mr. T-Bone and Bo Peep have called it quits. Sources close to Bo Peep informed the Enquirer that the relationship had taken a sudden downturn coinciding with the loss of... read more

“Spare Change, Man………”

A friend of mine asked that I help publicize the fund drive for Floyd’s Jessie Peterman Library. Now I’ve panhandled in New Orleans & I’ve panhandled in Phoenix but I’ve never panhandled on the internet & never for such a prestigious & dignified cause. So,... read more

Caution…..hazards ahead

Early on in a relationship I asked the lady for some insight as to our harmonic progression. Her reply that “men should come with a warning label” threw me a little………. but after a few more beers I saw the wisdom of her observation. I’ve heard that a... read more

Thank god for small favors

Last night a fellow came in to the Pine who is rapidly gaining a reputation with the local ladies for his verbosity….. we’ll call him Nathan. Nathan took up his usual perch at the end of the bar to await his prey….. boring me to no end in the interim.... read more

Floyd Credentials

We’ve all had to endure the “Floyd Credentials Check Point”.  It’s like an airport security check point but you usually don’t have to spread your cheeks.   As the son on an itinerant dental floss farmer, I grew accustomed to this “establishment of bonafides” as a... read more

The Big Lie

Ever wonder why so many Floyd restaurants shut down for a few weeks during January. For years local restaurateurs have gotten away with the “we’re doing a deep clean” line of b.s…  Well friends, it’s time someone ripped the lid off “The Big Lie” and gave you the... read more

Lé Whiskers Roadhouse

As the food critic for the Floyd Enquirer I always receive VIP treatment at Floyd’s finer dining establishments. To ensure that each is fairly judged, I often go in disguise.  On my first visit to Floyd’s newest legal beverage emporium I went as Greta... read more

Countess of Coffee

My recent claim to the title of Floyd’s “Village Idiot” apparently had more impact on our community than anticipated. It appears that it has opened the floodgates of conflicting claims for valuable nomenclature & the honors attached thereto. Some even imply... read more

My Space

A Rasta headed potter friend of mine, who wishes to remain anonymous, is going through some tough times as his significant other wrestles with her first venture into the exciting world of “MySpace”. Apparently she only has 6 friends listed on her page while everyone... read more

Ask A Hippy

Practical advice provided by Floyd’s resident hippy & sage…..Moonbeam. Q; It seems that every time Floyd Fest rolls around I’m in the middle of a herpes out break……….. It’s so embarrassing and, due to my “condition”, I never get to hook up... read more

Marital Bliss

After a particularly vicious fight with one of my fiancées I began to consider ways to ensure a more harmonious relationship. It’s really no wonder that relationships are so difficult……. early on we tend to dwell on the things we share in common and ignore... read more

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