Mr. T-Bone: “The Change Floyd Needs

 

 

Remember that Twilight Zone episode where the aliens arrive and promise to help us achieve our human destiny? It’s only after they’ve loaded a million of us into their spaceships that it’s determined their bible “How To Serve Mankind” is actually a cookbook. That, my friend, is a perfect illustration of Floyd politics today! And that’s why Mr. T-Bone hereby declares his candidacy for the Floyd County Board of Supervisors. “I am the change this County needs!” I don’t have any viable solutions for the multitude of problems that face our beloved County….. as, quite frankly, I really don’t care. On the other hand, the citizens of Floyd can rest assured that they are truly dealing with a candidate with a new & profound message. For example, compare my responses to the typical “politically correct” responses of my “worthy” opponents;
Question; Do you have presidential ambitions?
Standard Answer; My only ambition is to serve the people of this great county in the capacity in which I now serve.Mr.T-Bone; I would have sex with an ugly farm animal to be president.

Question; It has been reported that you have been involved in a sexual relationship with one of your underage campaign volunteers
Standard Answer; I eagerly await my day in court where these charges will be proven groundless and merely scare tactics used by my opponents to discredit the goals I am pursuing to enrich the lives of my constituents.
Mr.T-Bone; What, exactly, don’t you understand about the term “volunteer”?

Question; Mr. Politician, you’ve been accused of unscrupulous acts of influence peddling. How do you respond?
Standard Answer; I eagerly await my day in court where these charges will be proven groundless and merely scare tactics used by my opponents to discredit the goals I am pursuing to enrich the lives of my constituents.
Mr. T-Bone; I eagerly await my day in court where I will no doubt be found guilty….. until then…. The buck still stops here!

Bon Voyage Tattler

Got an important question about life? Need some compassionate and thoughtful advice? Which of the above would you ask for guidance? At six I was in awe of “old” people….. ask ‘em where the bathroom was anywhere in the world & they always seemed to know. As I got older I realized that there were actually two kinds of old people….. those that had figured it out & those who hadn’t. I’ve known my share of old people that never seemed to get “it” and passed from this earth as embittered and clueless as an angst ridden teenager. Many, however, seemed to have arrived at a state of grace…. having achieved a sense of clarity, contentment and peace. Floyd recently bid adieu to one of the later and her presence will be sorely missed. Before departing, Fran told me she’d stay in touch and, though we’ll probably have different eternal accommodations….she’ll put in a good word with the matra’de.

Cute Puppy, Huh!

Well, every time we sell a hat or a T-shirt we pet the puppy…..we love the puppy and give it food & water. No sales? After awhile Mr. T-Bone starts to get a little agitated … restless …. disturbed.

Cash registers not ca-chinging…no orders coming in…. no telling what might happen. So if I was you, I’d make my way to our “Store Page” and buy a damn shirt!

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